For me, the most romantic time of year is the stretch of weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It may be that I lucked out in the in-law lottery and actually enjoy spending time with my husband’s family, or that I can always count on my mother’s arrival and thus a built-in babysitter for weeks at a time, but, in my marriage, the holiday season is one of the best “couples times” we have all year long. As much fun as I may have, I know that for many of us moms, the holidays mean crazy schedules, complicated family politics, one too many obligatory gifts and celebrations to deal with, and not enough “we” time with the hubby. As mothers, we are even more overwhelmed than usual with the desire to make this season of giving and family love a special time to remember for our kids. The unfortunate part is that, in the process, we usually give up on making it a special time for the two of us.

I am a big proponent of setting an example of healthy relationships for our children, and the holiday season is the perfect time to rekindle the passion in your relationship while creating fun and meaningful memories for your children. In the midst of the cookie baking, gift wrapping, turkey cooking, and house decorating, I always make a point to take my husband out or snuggle in front of the fireplace. I want my children to remember more than my yummy Thanksgiving turkeys and the excitement of all the pretty packages under the Christmas tree. I want them to also remember their father and I being happy and playful with one another and leaving them at home some nights while we partied the night away or just went to catch a movie together. If this is a time for togetherness, isn’t it important to make sure our marriages are together, too? I think so, and with that in mind, here are a few things I have learned over the years to make sure the holiday season is a time for romance:

Negotiate your schedule. If there is one thing that most of us can count on during the holidays, it is an overabundance of things to do and places to go. Between your childrens’ activities, work parties, neighborhood parties, shopping, and cooking, it is far too easy to wake up sometime after January 1st and wonder where the last two months went. The first step to bringing romance to the season is making sure you have time for it. I suggest sitting down when the first holiday invitations start to roll in and designating at least five or six days that are couple-only days. Th is means setting aside certain dates just for the two of you to spend time together. Odds are that some of these times will go hand-in-hand—activities like a company holiday party or a shopping trip downtown—but it’s important to talk about it first. While your best friend’s annual cookie decorating party may be lots of fun for you, your husband might not think it’s such a hot date night activity.

Plan a Budget. No matter the season, finances are inevitably an area of conflict for most couples. Avoid the fights, and plan your holiday spending early. Not only should you develop a gift giving budget, but be sure to include other less obvious expenses such as travel to family gatherings, extra groceries, and, of course, date night! Don’t let out of control holiday spending create another reason to skip out on a nice date together. Just like time in your schedule, it’s important to set aside a little money for a few good dates.

Create a ritual. Some of my favorite things during the holidays as a parent are the fun rituals and traditions that we have established for our family. Rituals create a sense of belonging and a shared memory that is important for children and adults alike. You have probably already created some annual traditions without even thinking about it, but I would encourage you to think about adding one or two things that you can do as a couple. Maybe it’s as simple as having one night where you wrap presents together in front of the fireplace or a special date the weekend aft er Thanksgiving to decompress from all the family togetherness. I will confess that my husband and I don’t have a very structured ritual, but each year I can count on going to cut down a tree as a family, at least one shopping trip with just the two of us, and several very cozy mornings sleeping in together while the kids think we are busy “wrapping presents”. Whatever you decide, make it something you can both look forward to doing together every year.

Make each other a priority. It’s so easy to let this time of year become centered on everyone else; aft er all, it is the season of giving. But be sure that you don’t give away all your time and energy to people and things other than your spouse. Th e thing about time is that we control how we spend it, and the best way to “make” time for romance is to make it a priority. Despite busy schedules, we moms find time to get our kids to their activities, make (somewhat) healthy meals, buy gift s, bake cupcakes for school, finish the report at work…you get the idea. It’s not that there is more time for these activities; it's just that we don’t allow them to be optional. One of the easiest things to do in a marriage, or any long-term relationship, is allow our partner to slide down the list of priorities. We start making date night and time alone together optional—something we can say no to—and our relationships suffer. Th is holiday season make a promise to yourself that you will move your hubby back to the #1 spot on your to-do list each morning. Trust me. You’ll both appreciate the end result.