Q: My daughter has been the victim of cyber bullying at her middle school. I would like to confront the bully's family, but I don't want to make the situation worse for my daughter. What is the best way to address this issue?

A: Last year the Oxford Dictionary added the term, "cyber bully" to its 350,000 word vernacular. Their definition is, "the use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically by sending messages of an intimidating or threatening nature." The anti-bullying advocacy group stopcyberbullying.org gives a more detailed definition: "When a child or preteen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones." Studies indicate that nearly 50% of preteens are cyber bullied at some point. We've all heard news reports about young children who have suffered from anxiety, depression and even who have committed suicide because they were cyber bullied. Here are some options to consider:

DO—Be proactive. Parents should open a dialogue about cyber bullying with their children. Only 5% of middle school-age children said they would tell their parents if they were being cyber bullied (many feared their parents would take the technology away from them if they reported the harassment). Teach children to, "STOP, BLOCK and TELL," if they get a questionable message. Stop - do not respond. Block - disallow the person sending the messages to further contact you and then Tell - an adult. Parents should also regularly check their children's email and text records so they can monitor their child's digital communications.

DON’T—Assume that confronting a bully (or her parents) is always the best approach. Listen to your child's concerns and suggestions for how to make the situation better before you take any action. If your daughter knows the bully, it's a one-time message and no physical threats have been made, it might be best to just ignore the taunting altogether. Be empathetic when your child tells you she is being bullied. Tell her that bullying is wrong, it is not her fault and that you are proud of her for having the courage to tell you about it. Convey unconditional support (e.g., don't blame your child for the bullying) and assure your daughter that you will make sure she remains safe and that your goal is for the bullying to stop. If the messages contain threats regarding the safety of your child, it is best to notify law enforcement officials so they can investigate.

DO—Access your child's school web site for information to help combat bullying. While cyber bullying may be on the rise, there are more resources are available than ever before to help educate and combat this type of harassment. Most school districts now conduct extensive teacher and student-body training about bullying and school district web sites offer links and downloadable resources to help parents and victims of cyber bullying. Loudoun County Public Schools Superintendant Edgar Hatrick believes, "Society, in general, is paying more attention to the lasting and harmful effects of all types of bullying." If the cyber bullying takes place on school property or using school computers,” Hatrick says, “parents should report the abuse to the school principal so disciplinary can be taken.”

DON’T—Assume your child isn't cyber bullying others. The victim can quickly become the bully if she retaliates (e.g., " I'm going to get you for sending me that mean text!"). When you give your child access to a computer, mobile phone or other communications device, draft a "Technology Use Contract" that clearly outlines some agreed-upon rules and behaviors. If your child violates the contract, enforce strict consequences that demonstrate to your child that cyber bullying will not be tolerated. Explain that there could also be legal consequences for bullying others. Remind your children not to say anything via text or email that they would not say to the person if they were standing in front of them.

Visit The Cyber Bullying Research Center at www.cyberbullying.us or www.stopcyberbullying.org for more information

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\CHRIS CROLL is a freelance writer and business consultant who lives with her husband and two sons in Leesburg, Virginia. Email your questions for future "Ask Chris" columns to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it