If there was ever a time to truly know yourself, to be so unequivocally self-assured about who you really are, wedding dress hunting is most certainly that time.

The event, with all of its anticipated splendor and beloved moments of joy, can literally drive you insane. Appeasing the thoughts, assumed concerns and meaningless comments of others – perhaps those in your own wedding party, even though they are not wearing the gown or exchanging those holy nuptials – seem to drive the stake into the ground of what you, in fact, do wear. They have the power to sway and the power to convince you to adopt a certain look or an identity that does not give way to who you authentically are…not even close.

How do we find ourselves so wrapped up in the opinion of others? How do we break free from the incessant need to warp our sense of self into a mold which is idyllic for others but seemingly unfavorable to who we really are; particularly for and on a day that is solely devoted to the coming together of a man and woman who should know themselves and who are celebrating the identity of two becoming one?

And I’m not just talking wedding dresses. Beyond the chaotic, wedding dress shuffle that we thrust ourselves into, this rather essential element in knowing ourselves is key for all areas of our life; yet, for some interesting reason, the clues as to whether or not years of practice have successfully led us to knowing ourselves are never more pronounced than during the time of wedding dress shopping.

Opinions, potential thoughts and misconceptions of others parade through your mind, essentially driving you to a silhouette and gown not at all embodying the woman you’ve become. You have your beloved future mother-in law to your left, your college suitemates to your right and your mother and sisters probing you with a barrage of questions, almost as if to cage you in a tortuous game of pin the tail on the donkey. The blindfold has been tightly fastened around your head; you’ve been spun around, and they are taking the lead on “guiding” you to find the dress that can only speak to you; an endeavor that should be entirely conducted by you and simply encouraged by others – not the other way around.
Here’s a suggestion that will obliterate the nausea and disorienting feeling from another round of pin the tail on the bridal gown: Take the blind fold off and quit relying on others for affirmation of something that you should already know – who you are.

Ruth Sutton is the owner of Curvy Girls Bridal in Fairfax, a bridal salon specializing in plus size wedding fashions. She provided us with some tips when it comes to choosing a style based on your body shape, your personality and your comfort level.

All Body Types are Not Created Equal
All bridal gowns are beautiful, but not every body type is beautiful in every bridal gown. There is very little fluctuation in body proportions for that perfect size 10, but as soon as you start to move up into sizes not fit for a model’s body, i.e., sizes 14 and up, body proportions can change dramatically. Brides have been educated for years that they should pick a dress based on the type of fruit or inanimate object their body resembles: pear, apple, hourglass, stick figure, refrigerator or any other object that in no way resembles a woman’s body. If you are disheartened because you haven’t found your perfect look, or simply want to become better informed on the art of dressing your figure, read on!

“Time is money.” Well, at least that’s what Benjamin Franklin thought and, at this point in my life, I happen to agree. In this extremely busy world in which we live – and in such difficult financial times – time is money, and both are hard to come by.

I recently read a study that 60% of parents reported clothing to be their biggest expense of the year, with nearly all of these parents affirming that they spend more on their children’s clothing than on their own. (Sigh). Not only does this make me sad – as a mom of two (both of whom are under two) with an ever out-of-date wardrobe who can completely relate – but also that so many parents are spending too much on their children’s clothing. As a young mother I was introduced to the concept of consignment shopping. I was lucky. I quickly discovered all of the area consignment stores and seasonal consignment sales. For the first year, it was great! I could spend $100 and be stocked for two seasons (minus the occasional splurge purchases that resulted from too much window-shopping). I even went as far as finding the local consignment stores when I would travel, because it became a thrill to find great, quality clothes at amazing prices.

I decided it was time to get in on the action, so I consigned for the first time. I had so many clothes when I had my daughter and, like everyone, we could always use the extra cash. So I tagged them and took them to the local consignment sale. Within weeks I had a check in my mailbox and the satisfaction that the clothes my precious baby girl wore would be in another good home – making another mom’s heart melt. The new challenge came with Baby #2. I could no longer carry Baby #1 in a carrier during my mad dashes through the seasonal consignment sales as strollers are not allowed at most sales. My husband works odd hours on random days, so this meant I would have to hire a babysitter for the hours that I would be shopping. That would defeat the point of my money-saving extravaganzas. I tried shopping the consignment stores, but coordinating the kids’ schedules and keeping them happy while I shopped was not an enjoyable experience for anyone. The length of time it took to inventory and tag clothing for sales was also in short supply. Sadly, I found myself abandoning my consignment shopping and was on a quest for easy shopping and quick online or local stores.

Okay, so this is marriage number four. You messed up one, two, and three. The most important question here obviously has to be, what in the heck are you going to wear? The traditional white wedding dress is probably not going to cut it and if you do wear it, you risk the whispered, “Who does she think she’s kidding?” behind your back, because, let’s face the facts here, we thrice or more married ladies are not exactly “pure” any longer. We risk over-the-top territory just by virtue of doing what we are doing, and we don’t want to add to this with a major wardrobe malfunction. We might turn out to be ashamed of our actions (see marriage 1, 2, and/or 3), but we do not want to be ashamed of our future wedding pictures.

Gown by Sareh Nouri NY
Sash by Enchanted Atelier
Earrings and wedding ring by Dino Lonzano