Children in today’s society are up against a wide variety of challenges, not the least of which is the desire to fit in and be accepted by their peers. In a world where children are judged by their looks, their haircut, and the label on their clothing, it can be hard to find ways to show children that what really matters is on the inside. Many children face a crisis of self-confidence, which can make them not only unhappy, but more likely victims of bullies.

Parents seeking ways to help their children defend themselves against the taunts and physical force of bullying often turn to martial arts as a method of teaching children how to stand up for themselves. But what is often missing from the equation is the most basic and most effective method of self-defense any child can have: self-confidence.

Self-confidence can be an elusive concept, and it’s certainly not something that can be built in a day, or purchased at a store. And while the martial arts are an excellent way of helping a child build that confidence, it takes a stronger effort from home as well, and from an early age. Raising a child who is self-confident and who presents themselves in such a way that bullies look the other way is possible, if parents are invested in the process. How can we as parents do this? Try these basic ideas...

Pay closer attention to your kids.

Take some time to talk with your kids away from the many distractions in our daily lives. Showing that you are interesting in what matters to them and enjoy hearing what they have to say will help children develop the necessary sense of self-worth to be more sure of themselves in everyday situations. Teach your children to speak out and speak up when they have something to say, even if it seems trivial on the surface.

Let them make some calls.

Give your child the choice of what they would like the family to do together. Have them choose the film for family movie night, or select a destination for a weekend outing. Show them that they can make choices and their opinion truly counts.

Find a club, group, or class for your child to join where they can meet others who share their interests. Whether it’s a martial arts class or a fine arts class, let your child find a niche and a voice. Consider taking it one step further and signing up for the class yourself. And be sure to choose activities where nobody is more important than everyone else, and where your child can learn teamwork, cooperation and grow as individuals and as a team.

Teach your child to provide their own pep talk.

A simple daily reminder of why they are valuable, whether spoken aloud or written in a journal is a great way for every child to build self-confidence. Teach them to take a moment each day to reflect on what they have accomplished recently, and what they are proud of themselves for achieving.


No victory is too small to celebrate. Take a moment to celebrate and recognize every small victory and milestone along the way, be it a good report card or sports success. While the black belt may be the final goal of martial arts training, every belt has meaning and is a victory in itself. Remember to cheer your child on through victories large and small.

Self-confidence is more than a personality trait; it is a virtue by which our children can learn to be advocates for themselves and for others. It is up to us as parents to begin by advocating for them in the first place and laying the foundation for a lifetime of self-confidence, allowing our children to learn to believe in themselves by showing that we believe in them.

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JOHN CASSIDY is the founder of TopKick Martial Arts which is a family martial arts and fitness center with locations in Loudoun and Fairfax Counties. Find out more about TopKick at www.topkickonline.com. He resides in Fairfax with his wife and three children. This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it