Social media fueled magazine for Washington D.C. Suburbs

Q: So I've been dating this guy for 7 months and one day he tells me things are to serious and he is afraid, so he dumps me. Two weeks later he calls me telling me he loves me and thinks I'm the one... but that he wants to take things slow and date on the DL (downlow). We have been doing this for a month now with no one knowing... he doesn't act like he use to. He doesn't call or text me as often. I can go days without talking to him (he has a busy job) and we dont see each other very often with his new busy job. Should I be worried that he is using me for sex and putting me on hold until he figures out what he really wants? He did tell me he was worried someone else would take me away... I dont know what to do, stay or go.

Have you ever noticed the difference in the ways men and women talk? As women, we like to explore, analyze, and discuss our conflicts, often nodding and completing each other's sentences and speaking in detail. But if you interrupt men while they're speaking or overload them with information, watch out!  They'll either tune you out or get irritated, or both.

This difference is a byproduct of our evolution. (It's that Mars/Venus thing, honestly!) As "gatherers," our prehistoric female ancestors survived by multitasking — tending to the children, stoking the fire, and developing social bonds with other women all at once. We thrived by being mentally complex. Don't we still do that today?  Men, meanwhile, were the "hunters," focused on a single goal — such as driving the bison into the ravine, killing it, and bringing it home. Thinking about anything else could have been a fatal distraction.

●Keep a list of what you need to do during the Holidays. It should include things like decorating, wrapping presents and making cookies. But also put some things on there that are just for you, like a relaxing bath or massage. Your relationship should be a priority; make sure it is on your list.

●Remember all the hugging, touching, and kissing that used to come eff ortlessly to your relationship? The reality is that we all crave aff ection, no matter how long we’ve been together. Physical contact, without the expectation of sex, is something that we all, particularly women, crave. Aff ectionate touching triggers the release of Oxytocin, the calming, stress fi ghting, and bond-building hormone that’s also released during contact between a mother and her infant. Touch, cuddle, and kiss your partner--oft en! The hormones released help us bond with each other and reduce stress.

●Decide early how much money you want to spend this holiday season. Less to spend? Don’t add the stress of debt to your relationships. Make romantic coupons good for whatever inspires you and your loved one. Write a check for one million kisses. Give your honey a lottery ticket with a note: “I hit the jackpot when IAM Love IDEAS I married you.” On strips of paper, write 100 reasons why you love your partner. Wrap them up in a gift box.

Reader Question:  My husband is great usually. He travels a lot and spends a lot of time away from home. I never stress, and used to actually! but got over being over inquisitive,  but when he goes out to dinner with his work friends and only stays out with a woman co worker, going to bars and comes home at 1am without calling. Is that being jealous? Do I have the problem? When is it jealousy?

Romance Guru: I can appreciate how you must feel, and although you didn't share with me your own background (do you work outside the home yourself, have children, etc.), there is a disconnect that has you feeling the way you do.  I want to, at the very least, validate your feelings.

They say opposites attract — and that may be true when it comes to your conflict style. How do you approach conflict? Do you avoid your partner like the plague when things aren't going well, or do you pick a fight wherever and whenever you can? Opposing styles are an especially common source of trouble for couples since, like many aspects of marriage, there is no "right" way to be. Like sex itself, good conflict resolution is a matter of compatibility.

Opposing styles of conflict often come down to two approaches: the avoider and the confronter. Avoiders dislike conflict, and feel uncomfortable discussing negative aspects of their relationship or their life. Avoiders don't necessarily deny what's wrong — they just don't feel the need to talk it out. This might be fine, if it weren't for all the avoiders who wind up in relationships with confronters! To a confronter, not getting underlying issues out in the open is frustrating, even intolerable. Confronters tend to come from families who expressed what they were feeling — sometimes too much — and not getting everything out on the table feels dishonest and uncomfortable.

 

Weight loss is a booming industry — we're all on a constant quest for a better body, and gladly soak up the latest miracle method for lasting weight loss. New studies come out every day about what is and is not good for our bodies. But in our fight to be healthy, have we created a new eating disorder?

You've probably heard of anorexia, but what about orthorexia? Orthorexia is the obsession with eating healthfully and correctly, taken to an extreme. Orthorexics may pride themselves on eating only organic or only vegetarian, or on their ability to stick to other obscure diets. They often have trouble going out to eat or even having a meal at a friend's house because their food habits are more than just health-conscious; they're an obsession.

Happy May Day!! The Romance Guru advises that you take some time out for yourself.  Wondering what to do that's unique, different, and will leave you feeling amazingly happy?  (Put the batteries away, girlfriends!  This time it's different!)

Check out Hillary Tattersall's Chick' Picks. Hillary Tattersall makes it her mission to discover emerging artisans. This is a private jewelry and home accessories show hosted by the Chief Chick herself!

 (Dr.Laura Berman is an expert on women's sexual health.  This is an excerpt from a recent article I thought important enough to share:)

Your hormones affect you every day of your life. Regardless of your age, normal fluctuations across the menstrual cycle can drive changes in your mood, appetite, and libido.

Early on in your cycle, you have just come off of your period and levels of estrogen and testosterone are low. You may feel more apt to stay at home, since both hormones help fuel energy levels. The quality of your sleep may be poor, and even your breasts may feel less full due to the low estrogen levels.

 

Feeling sex-deprived? Or anything but? Before you jump into a cold shower, make sure you know what everyone else is doing in bed.
1) The average woman cashes in her V-card during her last two years in college.
2) Less than 10% of women ever watch porn.
3) More than four out of five married women stay faithful.
4) The average woman likes to get a little rough in the sack.
5) About 50 percent of women have ever masturbated.
6) 1 in 5 women think about sex at least once a day.
7) One in 20 women have had same-sex sexual contact in their lifetime.
8) About 5 percent of women have ever had anal sex.
9) Women know what floats their boat better than men do.
10) When it comes to achieving the big O, the average woman prefers oral sex.
11) In the U.S., the Pill is the most popular form of contraception.
answers below

Q: I am married over 10 years now. The business of life has allowed my marriage to become boring and routine. How do I get back to dating my husband again? Do you have any suggestions? Looking for romance and some dance back in the everyday. Thanks for your help.
A: Dear Katza,
Thank you for your question! It's important for you to know that you are hardly alone! Many couples feel that their relationship has been reduced to something that feels more like roommates than the passionate couple of your early courtship.