Social media fueled magazine for Washington D.C. Suburbs

It’s the most talked about trilogy of books in recent memory. 50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James, the story of a young billionaire and a college student and their sex life of bondage and submission, has already racked up over 20 million in sales. Every generation has had it’s erotica; The Story of O and Fear of Flying. Jackie Collins novels have sold millions, with their raunchy Hollywood chronicles. Yet, the novel 50 Shades of Grey has become somewhat of a phenomenon. It is impacting the sexual health of women in America.

No spoilers for those of you who haven’t yet read the books. (Are there any of you out there?!) The author is not likely to win any prizes for prose. I’ve heard comparisons to the Twilight Series. The story is salacious and shocking. The plot is preposterous at times, and phrases are repeated so frequently that I found myself rolling my eyes more than the characters themselves. And while some have likened the story of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele to pornography, this book is a literary alternative to visual and exploitive fare. Perhaps one of the reasons for the novel’s popularity is that Anastasia is our narrator, and her character is never reduced to a sexual object.

The main character, Christian Grey, is a bit of a stalker. He’s manipulative and controlling. He suffers from low self esteem, he’s secretive, and there’s little conversation. Still, Ana finds her voice, and, ultimately, takes control. They negotiate their way through this relationship. Protecting, respecting, not completely taking her power away, but instead playing around the edge of taking her control away is how Christian wins Ana over. And since women love erotica more than visual images because we can use our imaginations, the novels continue to fly off the shelves.

Q: What do you really think about online dating services?

Romance Guru: Online dating sites can be daunting, but with a little caution and an armload of honesty, you can truly expect lots of dating opportunities, and possible love connections.  Take it from me.........I am a Match.com success story myself!

While it's true that some men do not always portray themselves as they should, it's usually easy to spot the cheater-cheater-pumpkin eaters. The red flags are fairly obvious. Trust your instincts!  There are even companies that for a small fee will run background checks for you.

Q: So I've been dating this guy for 7 months and one day he tells me things are to serious and he is afraid, so he dumps me. Two weeks later he calls me telling me he loves me and thinks I'm the one... but that he wants to take things slow and date on the DL (downlow). We have been doing this for a month now with no one knowing... he doesn't act like he use to. He doesn't call or text me as often. I can go days without talking to him (he has a busy job) and we dont see each other very often with his new busy job. Should I be worried that he is using me for sex and putting me on hold until he figures out what he really wants? He did tell me he was worried someone else would take me away... I dont know what to do, stay or go.

Have you ever noticed the difference in the ways men and women talk? As women, we like to explore, analyze, and discuss our conflicts, often nodding and completing each other's sentences and speaking in detail. But if you interrupt men while they're speaking or overload them with information, watch out!  They'll either tune you out or get irritated, or both.

This difference is a byproduct of our evolution. (It's that Mars/Venus thing, honestly!) As "gatherers," our prehistoric female ancestors survived by multitasking — tending to the children, stoking the fire, and developing social bonds with other women all at once. We thrived by being mentally complex. Don't we still do that today?  Men, meanwhile, were the "hunters," focused on a single goal — such as driving the bison into the ravine, killing it, and bringing it home. Thinking about anything else could have been a fatal distraction.

●Keep a list of what you need to do during the Holidays. It should include things like decorating, wrapping presents and making cookies. But also put some things on there that are just for you, like a relaxing bath or massage. Your relationship should be a priority; make sure it is on your list.

●Remember all the hugging, touching, and kissing that used to come eff ortlessly to your relationship? The reality is that we all crave aff ection, no matter how long we’ve been together. Physical contact, without the expectation of sex, is something that we all, particularly women, crave. Aff ectionate touching triggers the release of Oxytocin, the calming, stress fi ghting, and bond-building hormone that’s also released during contact between a mother and her infant. Touch, cuddle, and kiss your partner--oft en! The hormones released help us bond with each other and reduce stress.

●Decide early how much money you want to spend this holiday season. Less to spend? Don’t add the stress of debt to your relationships. Make romantic coupons good for whatever inspires you and your loved one. Write a check for one million kisses. Give your honey a lottery ticket with a note: “I hit the jackpot when IAM Love IDEAS I married you.” On strips of paper, write 100 reasons why you love your partner. Wrap them up in a gift box.

Reader Question:  My husband is great usually. He travels a lot and spends a lot of time away from home. I never stress, and used to actually! but got over being over inquisitive,  but when he goes out to dinner with his work friends and only stays out with a woman co worker, going to bars and comes home at 1am without calling. Is that being jealous? Do I have the problem? When is it jealousy?

Romance Guru: I can appreciate how you must feel, and although you didn't share with me your own background (do you work outside the home yourself, have children, etc.), there is a disconnect that has you feeling the way you do.  I want to, at the very least, validate your feelings.