I hate back fat. I hate back fat almost as much as I hate stomach rolls (but that’s another article). I long for the days when I could put on a bathing suit and not feel like a sausage that was cased too tightly. I yearn for that time when, dancing with my husband, I didn’t need to strategically move his hand from the lumps on my back. As I continue to lose weight (2 more pounds this AM—YEAH!!!!), I notice that my clothes feel better, my rings will need to be fixed, I can actually contemplate wearing a belt, I exercise, but even after all that--I still have that back fat. I do own some Spanx (support undergarment), and I love the way it makes me look, but with summer coming I can’t wear Spanx on the beach. Which reminds me.
When I visit my family in Brazil and we spend time at the beach, the difference between our countries becomes painfully obvious. First, women there are really into their bodies. They don’t even give a second thought to plastic surgery. Cellulite? Time for Lipo. Breasts too small (there is no such thing as too big)? Time for Dr. Whoever. Augment and improve is the mantra. Secondly, Brazilians, in general, are into tanning. A lot. Family members will go to the beach at 10AM and return at 5PM. My mother used to think I was too pale. Thirdly and typically, women wear those teenie weenie little bathing suits. No matter what size or shape they may be in. I’m not kidding you. My sisters laugh at me as I struggle into my one-piece bathing suit. I used to look for the latest style in bathing suits whenever I visited. I stopped because you really can’t find a one-piece suit in a bathing suit store. AND even if you find one, the sizes are so miniscule that it’s embarrassing. I’m just not that brave. Or comfortable in this body. We’re planning to go to Brazil this year. No matter what size I will be then (and trust me, it will be a much smaller me than now), I will be the one in a one-piece bathing suit. Under the umbrella.
I was looking at old photos (5 years ago) of myself. I used to think I was fat then. I’m probably about 20 pounds (or more) heavier now. In those photos, I hid behind people. Looking at that woman, I see someone who is not heavy. I see someone who had no reason to hide. Which makes me realize that I do have a problem with feeling comfortable in this body. One more thing that I’ll be working on in these next few months.
When I started this whole project, I didn’t realize what all of this would lead to. It’s so much work. Losing weight, exercising, changing my lifestyle, AND working on my image problems. I’m trying to not have it overwhelm me. One day at a time. That’s why I’m calling it a lifestyle change, right? It is exciting, I must admit.
I’ve heard from several of you who have started this process with me and am gratified that you’ve lost weight along with me. Please feel free to email me
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, if you have any thoughts, ideas, suggestions, comments.
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