I AM Modern Magazine for Moms

So, recently as some of you know, I got divorced. And I'm lousy with math. Okay, fine, I am not actually divorced, but I live like I am. I’ve been geographically and emotionally separated for years, and we are still litigating. About a year ago, a (flirty) neighbor looked me up and down and said, “You look great. Divorce Diet?“ I was insulted at first. Then intrigued. I had to find out what the Divorce Diet consisted of.

The truth was, I had lost nearly 30 pounds, (actually more like 210 if you count “Him”). Without even being aware, I had dropped 2 dress sizes and my clothes were literally falling off me, when they weren’t hanging oddly where I formerly had a butt! And I liked my new body. I was 50 years old and actually liked myself naked. OK, so I had to have 3 glasses of wine and candle light before I really liked myself naked. But I dared to wear a two-piece bathing suit while sunning in my backyard, and my white stomach that hadn’t seen the light of day in over 20 years finally got a suntan.

The Divorce Diet is a term used by women to describe the agony that comes with divorce, or separation, as in my case. The not wanting to eat, the sleepless nights, the general bouts of depression that hits when you’ve been delivered that huge slap in the face of matrimony. But there’s a twist! You may feel miserable for a while, you may not be able to sleep for a while, but do not underestimate the power of how great it feels to be happy with your own body. My new mantra became “Nothing Tastes As Good As Being Thin Feels.”

So here’s my diet, and I add the disclaimer- Not suggested or recommended under any but the most extreme circumstances. This weight loss regime is not healthy for the mind, body, or pocketbook, and can cause uncontrolled shopping trips to Tysons and your local ABC store.

¾ parts alcohol. You can choose your poison; mine was vodka.

½ parts sweets, fried things, cheap Chinese food, followed by much pushing around of food on your plate.

¼ parts nights out bitching to any and all your girlfriends.

Like I said, I’ve never been good with math. But I’ve got a hot new body, the guts to try a pole-dancing class, a very cute (and younger) boyfriend, and can honestly say I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Comments (1)

Subscribe to this comment's feed

Name

Email

Website

Title

Comment

smaller | bigger

Subscribe via email (Registered users only)

I have read and agree to the Terms of Usage.

Add Comment

---