My daughter keeps coming home and telling me that her teacher does not like her. I am sure this is not true, but how do I bring it up to the teacher during our conference without seeming accusatory?
Hearing your child complain that her teacher does not like her, or that she does not like the teacher, is something parents should expect at least once during their child's school years. Often, the declaration follows a particular incident, such as being reprimanded for a behavior issue or earning a bad grade on an assignment.
As a general rule, children in elementary school have a tendency to like their teachers and are generally eager to please. Helping your child to solve this problem will show her that you are concerned about the issue and are interested in making her school experience a positive one. Brushing aside her comments, or telling her that “teachers like all children”, will likely make her worry that you do not care about her feelings.
Before you attend the parent-teacher conference, sit down with your child and discuss the situation. Ask your daughter for specific examples of incidents that have made her feel that the teacher did not like her. Did she discipline your daughter in front of her peers? Did your daughter earn a poor grade on an assignment that she feels was undeserved?
The problem could also stem from the fact that your child is having a hard time making the adjustment to her new grade level. Perhaps she is not receiving as much attention as she did in an earlier grade. Be sure to explore the possibility that your daughter is frustrated because she is having trouble keeping up. It may be that this school year is presenting her with some new challenges.
Be careful not to take sides in this situation. Show your child that the teacher should be respected but that you are interested in helping resolve the problem. Criticizing the teacher in front of your child may foster arrogance and distrust towards teachers. With an elementary aged child, your negativity towards the teacher could cause her to feel in a bind over divided loyalties.
After talking with your child, if you discover that the situation is more than just her reaction to one isolated reprimand or her anger over one lower grade than she had hoped for, and she seems to be doing well in all of her subjects, then I would go ahead and bring it up at the conference.
Use this conference as a chance for the teacher to get to know your child better. Share with her what you have observed about her learning styles, and what approaches help her to learn best. Tell her about your child's interests, and let the teacher know what motivates her.
After you have started a comfortable dialogue, explain to the teacher that your child somehow is under the impression that she does not like her. Ask her if she has any ideas about what could have caused her to have this perception.
You may be surprised that your child's teacher seems unaware of the situation. Often teachers have no idea that students feel this way.
Having a dialogue may help you to find some things that your daughter can work on, such as staying in her seat and not talking at inappropriate times. Use the conference time to make sure that you are clear on the teacher’s expectations and then reinforce them with your daughter.
Chances are, after your conference with the teacher, everyone should feel better. Even if your daughter and her teacher did start the school year on the wrong foot, an open conversation during your parent-teacher conference should open the door for a new beginning.
written by Kathy , September 13, 2010
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